"i'm gonna go talk to some food about this."

"[People] cheat. People fail. This is an immutable fact of life. I think we think we’re defined by our successes like weddings, and promotions, and crazy vacations. But I think it’s our disappointments that make us who we are. The way we emotionally adapt to a world that won’t give us what we want is the secret to human uniqueness. Some of us negotiate this chaos and behave exactly as expected—we claw, we hoard, we deceive. Some of us surrender to our lot and find that love is forgiving someone for the embarrassment of being human. Those people are special, and no one writes opinion columns about them."

ça m'a fait lol, deux.

Another collection of quotes, most of which are from my hilarious students.

[standing outside a restaurant with a few people when a group of guys who I think were out for a bachelor party approaches us... ]
Drunk French fool (in French): Is there someone here who speaks English?!
Me: ...Um, well, yes...
Fool: Do you speak English really? Because me, "Aye cahm frahm Lawse Angellees!" You see?
Me: Seriously? That was the worst American accent I've ever heard.
Drunk fool: Why you don't believe me !?

[discussing internet related vocabulary]
Student: I use the internet to google search monkey forests.

[searching something on the computer]
Student: You will be your big hands.
Me: Pardon?
Student: You don't know the French expression? Tu tapes avec tes gros droigts!
Me: I type with my fat fingers?
Student: Yes... They're quite big.

[speaking of hobbies/interests]
Student A: I like wildlife photography.
Student B: -looking around incredulously-
Me: What? Is that strange?
Student B: Wildwife photography???? You admit to our teacher that you like wildwife photography????

Student: I never tried drugs when I was young.
Me: That's probably smart.
Student: Smart... ? Like the car?
Me: No, like intelligent.
Student: Smart is the same that intelligent!? I thought it's the name of the car! Incredible!!

[talking about air travel]
Student: I have a very racist joke on this subject.
Me: Let's hear it, then.
[My boss walks through the room and smiles at us both, closing the door behind her]
Student: (whispering) ok, she's left so I can tell it now.