can't beat them desert sunsets.
the Blue Moon on NYE
the top of campbell
good ol' Tucson
Monday, January 4, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
too big
I've come to realize and embrace certain things lately, all of which I intend to return to France and continue to embrace. These are: I'm a big, loud, greasy food loving, bad joke telling, big sunglasses wearing, people watching, sunshine craving, dance partying, style deprived, easily amused American. I have desperately been trying to soak in as many amazing American things while I'm temporarily back home and I think I've been fairly successful. This trip has consisted mostly of eating copious amounts of chips and salsa, ritually changing my sister's desktop background to something hilarrrrrrious I've drawn on ms paint, getting up way too early in order to make the most of every day, taking far too many pictures of cacti (with a sa-weet new camera!) that I normally wouldn't be bothered about, enjoying about three cups of tea a day from a mug that's entirely too large and hanging around the house in my pajamas and new luxury snuggie (yes, I got one for Christmas -- jealous?)
It's so silly, three months ago I couldn't wait to get out of this blasted town -- maybe it had something to do with the oppressive heat or the waiting tables or the fact that I was now a college graduate living with my parents... But, man. When I left for France, I was ready to leave, ready for anything. And I was, most importantly, fearless.
Somewhere over the last three months, I lost a lot of that enthusiasm. I'm not really sure what it's to blame; I've put it down to numerous job rejections, living alone, putting up with the french hostility towards foreigners, the problems I've had meeting people, communication issues, general loneliness, etc. but how am I to get it back? I'm no longer dying to get out of this place -- quite the opposite, in fact. I'm finding it difficult to look forward to making meals for myself and my empty apartment.
I have a couple theories. The first is that I think there exists a certain type of person in the world who is always wanting the things they can't or don't have. They long for the unattainable and will work tirelessly to get it; however, as soon as they get the things they so desperately want, they no longer desire it. Who knows why -- the grass is always greener? They enjoy the "chase" so to speak? Ah, I'll never know. Perhaps every person is like this, to a certain extent, but I have no real reason to believe this. What I do know is that these people are doomed to never learn from this endless, stupid cycle.
I have this mental image of an episode of Scrubs where J.D. spends the entire time trying to get Elliot to leave her perfect boyfriend Sean (::swoon::) because he wants her back. In the end, she finally does and the as the episode ends, they're together in his apartment. She says to him, "well, you have me, J.D. You finally have me." And it shows J.D., all of sudden looking absolutely terrified, and a voice over of his thoughts scream out, "OH MY GOD, I DON'T WANT HER! I DON'T WANT HER!"
I have to palm-thud my forehead at J.D.'s predictable stupidity. Erugh, I hate predictable television.
I digress. Anyways, my point is, it's something like that. Maybe we convince ourselves we want something so badly, we forget to prepare ourselves for the negative aspects of having it. I do it. I'll own up to it.
The second theory is that I guess I wasn't as adventurous as I had planned to be. I think about so many people I knew from University doing crazy amazing things and, because my life had pretty much slowed to a stop, I thought I needed to do something big and crazy and adventurous too. I guess I just wasn't as prepared as I thought I was for it.
Frankly, I don't really like either option. But I remember a quote I once heard...
Anyways, I think this dood was onto something. I hope so because it sure gives me more hope than either one of my dumb theories. In the meantime, I guess I'll enjoy as many bean & cheese burritos as my waistline can handle. Which, at this point in the holiday season, isn't really a whole lot more. Yikes.
the tree freshly ornamented
It's so silly, three months ago I couldn't wait to get out of this blasted town -- maybe it had something to do with the oppressive heat or the waiting tables or the fact that I was now a college graduate living with my parents... But, man. When I left for France, I was ready to leave, ready for anything. And I was, most importantly, fearless.
Somewhere over the last three months, I lost a lot of that enthusiasm. I'm not really sure what it's to blame; I've put it down to numerous job rejections, living alone, putting up with the french hostility towards foreigners, the problems I've had meeting people, communication issues, general loneliness, etc. but how am I to get it back? I'm no longer dying to get out of this place -- quite the opposite, in fact. I'm finding it difficult to look forward to making meals for myself and my empty apartment.
deliciously warm fire. crucial? maybe not. wonderful? ohohoh, yes.
I have a couple theories. The first is that I think there exists a certain type of person in the world who is always wanting the things they can't or don't have. They long for the unattainable and will work tirelessly to get it; however, as soon as they get the things they so desperately want, they no longer desire it. Who knows why -- the grass is always greener? They enjoy the "chase" so to speak? Ah, I'll never know. Perhaps every person is like this, to a certain extent, but I have no real reason to believe this. What I do know is that these people are doomed to never learn from this endless, stupid cycle.
Mom workin' away on the traditional mince pies and lookin' fab
I have this mental image of an episode of Scrubs where J.D. spends the entire time trying to get Elliot to leave her perfect boyfriend Sean (::swoon::) because he wants her back. In the end, she finally does and the as the episode ends, they're together in his apartment. She says to him, "well, you have me, J.D. You finally have me." And it shows J.D., all of sudden looking absolutely terrified, and a voice over of his thoughts scream out, "OH MY GOD, I DON'T WANT HER! I DON'T WANT HER!"
I have to palm-thud my forehead at J.D.'s predictable stupidity. Erugh, I hate predictable television.
I digress. Anyways, my point is, it's something like that. Maybe we convince ourselves we want something so badly, we forget to prepare ourselves for the negative aspects of having it. I do it. I'll own up to it.
the kitty gettin' chummy with my new snuggie. i let it slide... this time...
The second theory is that I guess I wasn't as adventurous as I had planned to be. I think about so many people I knew from University doing crazy amazing things and, because my life had pretty much slowed to a stop, I thought I needed to do something big and crazy and adventurous too. I guess I just wasn't as prepared as I thought I was for it.
palm trees a-swayin'
Frankly, I don't really like either option. But I remember a quote I once heard...
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do... We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
- Some dood
Anyways, I think this dood was onto something. I hope so because it sure gives me more hope than either one of my dumb theories. In the meantime, I guess I'll enjoy as many bean & cheese burritos as my waistline can handle. Which, at this point in the holiday season, isn't really a whole lot more. Yikes.
fresh from the oven
douglas with the az sunset
Monday, December 28, 2009
"nous allons trouver une solution"
i wish the world was flat, like the old days,
and i could travel just by folding a map.
no more
airplanes or
speed trains or
freeways.
there'd be no
d i s t a n c e
that could
hold
us
back.
* * * * *
Searching for Christmas gifts in Borders, I came across a post secret book on display. Immediately upon opening it, I stumbled onto a secret that could not have spoken more clearly to me at that moment. And right then and there, I sensed everything would be ok.
and i could travel just by folding a map.
no more
airplanes or
speed trains or
freeways.
there'd be no
d i s t a n c e
that could
hold
us
back.
* * * * *
Searching for Christmas gifts in Borders, I came across a post secret book on display. Immediately upon opening it, I stumbled onto a secret that could not have spoken more clearly to me at that moment. And right then and there, I sensed everything would be ok.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
joyeux noël
"Christmas Party" by The Walkmen
"So Christmas is here again with it's tinsel and lights. The city is covered in snow. At our house, family and friends have gathered tonight to eat, drink and share the holiday cheer. And this December, like Decembers before, we find ourselves reflecting -- contemplating our lives as another chapter comes to a close. So, here I sit at the Christmas party, with a belly full of wine, while the celebration dances around me. And I dream of you. And you're singing to me....
But soon the music will fade, the last of the wine will be poured and the dancing will cease. These old friends will make their way home to sleep a restless sleep as Saint Nick makes his rounds. And by tomorrow afternoon as the last of the wrapping paper is tossed into the fire, this Christmas will be over. Why must it all go by so fast? Santa Claus, this Christmas, don't let these friends go home, don't let the revelry end and don't leave me here alone."
"So Christmas is here again with it's tinsel and lights. The city is covered in snow. At our house, family and friends have gathered tonight to eat, drink and share the holiday cheer. And this December, like Decembers before, we find ourselves reflecting -- contemplating our lives as another chapter comes to a close. So, here I sit at the Christmas party, with a belly full of wine, while the celebration dances around me. And I dream of you. And you're singing to me....
But soon the music will fade, the last of the wine will be poured and the dancing will cease. These old friends will make their way home to sleep a restless sleep as Saint Nick makes his rounds. And by tomorrow afternoon as the last of the wrapping paper is tossed into the fire, this Christmas will be over. Why must it all go by so fast? Santa Claus, this Christmas, don't let these friends go home, don't let the revelry end and don't leave me here alone."
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