this is not a two-way road.

Recently, one of my students sent me an email, something that I originally thought was a cute joke but ended up causing more grief than I'd like to admit.

He wrote to me "il faut que tu travailles un peu ton français, moi aussi je te donne des textes à lire" (you should work on your French a little so I'm giving you some reading materials too). He included a short article from a French newspaper and I laughed to myself because I sometimes send him articles in English that we discuss later. I shot him back a response, a short one-sentence email where I said (or thought I had said) "wow, how considerate! Should I summarize the text and send you my reaction? :P" to show him I thought his joke was funny. It was a joke, right?

In his response back, he corrected what I had written in red font and added "regarding your sentence, I hope you didn't learn me english with as many mistakes!" 

My jaw dropped. What the fuck! I thought it was really cheeky of him not only to correct what I had written but acknowledge my mistakes again in reference to my ability to teach him English. I was genuinely offended so I wrote him back "no, I don't teach you incorrect English but I also don't correct every small mistake because if I did, you wouldn't be very motivated to speak it with me." I continued to be more than a little peeved with him over the next few hours but in the back of my mind, I really hoped that I didn't come to regret my response to him later on.

I got another response: "1- 1 ok I'm going to work on Rrrrr... [he has problems with the "r" sound in English] I joke, nevertheless, I believe you have the opportunity to be in France, so, it's gonna be a real pity if you won't speak french fluently."

At this point, I was thinking, Ok. Here's a student of mine, someone who hired me to teach him English. We don't speak French together because he's an English student and that's, after all, what I'm getting paid to do -- and I don't remember asking for help with my French. Why is he even bothered? 

Over the last year, one of the biggest things I've learnt about teaching is the importance of positive reinforcement. A lot of people (myself included) don't generally like having their faults acknowledged without some kind of encouragement as well -- if you don't have a balance of both, you'll have a skewed view of where you really are. While this guy's level in English really shouldn't affect my reaction to his emails, he often makes mistakes speaking English and that's natural for any non-native speaker. As I said to him, if I were to point them all out, he would quickly lose confidence and feel inadequate and that's simply useless to everyone.

I began to feel so stupid. It's taken a seriously unfortunate amount of time for me to get over my irrational fear of making mistakes publicly and I suddenly felt like I had been pushed back a few steps. I considered writing him back: "well ASSHOLE, I didn't ask for your goddamn help, you fat turd!" but that had a pretty much instant guarantee of regret, so I didn't. I didn't actually write anything back, deciding instead to ignore it. I have no obligations to this guy, he's not my friend and he's not someone I will continue to talk to when I leave France. 

Was I wrong to react the way I did? It's pretty stupid really, if I were to try to put myself outside of the situation. But I maintain that it was still cheeky of him. And frankly, I'm a little tired of excusing behavior that I can't rationalize as simply "french" and therefore, beyond my understanding. Because there are shitty ways of behaving, no matter what your language or age or culture or gender.

C'est tout. bisou.

my general attitude towards jerks.

franglicismes

Ok, here's an update on things. 

1. I'm working at two schools now -- the new school is located in the city center in a rather swanky sort of area (there's a Louis Vuitton literally downstairs) and is much, much more legit than the other place. Because it's mostly for working professionals or people preparing for the TOEIC/TOEFL, it's more credible, the students have a better level and so, what I'm really trying to say is, I get paid better. Also, the view is pretty BAMF*
2. I'm still working at the other school doing more or less the same amount of hours I had last year. The only difference is that I have my own class of children who are aged 3-4 and there are eight of them. It's been rather... Hmm...  I'm looking for a good euphemism for fucking terrible. Between the crying and getting spit on and the yelling and hitting, I guess it's bearable. But I'm not really that great with children and I'm in it more for the experience (read: higher pay).
3. Since I've been working more and have been able to put aside some money after Barcelona left me rather broke, I've been a little bit more adventurous in terms of cooking. I can afford better food, and more of it, so it's not such a disaster when I screw things up, which is actually most of the time. I made meatballs over tomatoes the other night. Woof, they were pretty gnarly. In my defense, the recipe came from a cookbook for English people in the 70's. So there's that. Maybe I'll try them again -- I'm optimistic. 
4. I recently enjoyed the perks of having my parents visit which was wonderful. They brought pumpkin spice candles and other autumn goodies which I nearly wept for joy at, I miss fall so much. Not to mention, they were here during the mid-season sales so I got to splurge on some fancy French clothes which I sorta feel like a bad ass wearing. From time to time, I realize that everything I'm wearing has been bought in France and then I don't feel like such a schmuck who can't dress herself.
5. I've been putting in a genuine effort into my French. Often I'll have a string of really busy days of teaching and afterward I'll realize the only French I've actually spoken is something artificial like "une baguette, s'il vous plaît." So I'm really trying, forcing myself to listen to at least one podcast everyday, even trying to sit through some bad French TV (what a brat I am -- ugh, I have to sit and watch TV!?!).
6. I'm starting to think I'm fundamentally incompatible with French men. I'm so Anglo, it's stupid. 
7. It's cold now. Being in denial about wearing a coat is no longer an option. And my sandals no longer sit next to the corner of my bed -- they've been sent back to the dark corner next to my very dusty boots. I fear the tights will soon have to make a debut. Sigh, another cold season... Here we come.
8. Lastly, today marks one year ago that I moved into my little studio and I'm actually not really sure how I feel about that.

*

laisse-toi aller et n'aie pas peur

As I sat in the lavarie, watching my purple sheets toss and swirl in the machine while filling in a sudoku puzzle from the morning's newspaper, I got a text message. "Foot ce soir à 18h si ça te chauffe !" It was from a friend who I sometimes play soccer with when he's in town.

Zut! I thought to myself. I would so love to play soccer tonight but I had classes in the afternoon and evening. I wrote back that I had to work and added "peut-être la prochaine fois!" Shortly after, I started thinking about my first year in France and how passive I was about making plans with people -- if someone didn't invite me to do something with them, I hardly ever was the one to suggest something. And to be honest, this is something I'm known for doing back home too. I'm just lazy, I guess.

So, a few days later as I was killing time between lessons with a chocolatine, I decided to write him back suggesting that we hang out before he goes back to Paris. I initially met him through a friend of a friend, and we'd hung out several times before over the summer (amongst other people, mind you) so I thought, it'd be nice! Right?

I got a text back -- "Tommorrow night afterwork from 19pm... I pick u up ;)" And I thought, hey great!

...Oh, that smiley is winking at me... Why is that smiley winking at me...

I ignored it and answered back if we could meet a bit later as I had things going on before. He replied with two more winking smilies. And then a worry-knot began to cluster in my stomach. Is this a date??? Oh god, Lindsay, you idiot.

So I panicked for a while and I talked to a friend who told me that maybe I might be over-thinking this. I have a habit of doing that, but when a guys sends you multiple winking smilies and is very direct with you, not even asking if you're free... Well, I mean... I'm not a totally self-absorbed person, ok guys!?

I go downstairs on time to wait for my ride and stood there nervously for a few minutes, picking at my nails and swaying back and forth. I was now dreading this situation that I had knowingly and willingly put myself in, cursing the fact that I decided to be so forward and direct. Have I learnt nothing about French men?!

Suddenly, a car full of people screech to a stop in front of my building and my friend pops out, shouting "Hé! Leen-say!" Relieved, I run up to the car and see there are three other people inside: my friend's brother, his old roommate (both of whom I've played soccer with before) and this girl I've never met, who turned out to be the most bubbly and outgoing Spanish person I've ever met. I faire la bise with everyone before climbing inside and he explains to me that we're going to this place where girls get in for free and there are free food and drinks until 10 pm. And I thought, Fantastic, I love champagne. Let's do this, nerds.

And a few hours later, as me and this girl, who I've just lent my sandals to in exchange for her tall, black, and uncomfortable pumps, are dancing to Alors On Danse with everyone around us, I felt stupid and completely unreasonable for having been so afraid of what might happen if I put myself out there. I began to laugh at myself, realizing the extent to which I let a little fear control me. 

I can say without fear or hesitation that a life of adventure and total accidental awesomeness far beats the boring life I left behind a year ago.

bises

nos peaux d'été

There is something about the changing seasons that makes me feel really nostalgic, particularly the transition from summer to fall. I guess I still haven't really come to grips with the fact that I'm not in school anymore and la rentrée (what the French call back to school) is for something that no longer affects me the way it used too -- it's not the same being a teacher and going back to school.

It seems within the last ten days, autumn has suddenly befallen this city which is very strange as I remember it being pretty warm up until mid-October last year, and even swimming in the sea. It could be because of the rainy weather, but I also sense the way the light is changing and how the days are gradually becoming shorter and the mornings... Colder...

image from here.

Brief story: In my apartment, I have an window which essentially takes up a whole wall with a sliding glass door to the terrace and there are these big heavy metal shutters that roll down and they kind of look like the big metal doors outside a bank when it's closed. The idea is that they block out light, which they do rather effectively (read: they make you feel like you're sleeping in a coffin like a vampire -- right, Kat?) so for the summer when it was 35°C/95°F degrees, I began leaving one shutter half open to let some air in. It means it gets super light super early which took some getting used to but it made me feel much, much more normal (this would be another thing I would add to the list of weird things about french people -- why do they all have those shutters that block out the light? I guess it's great for taking naps... But it seems totally disorienting waking up at noon feeling like it's 4:00 am because it's pitch black)

I digress. Anyway, I've been sleeping with one sheet on my bed, the shutter up, fan on and the window open since June and I've been loving it. Loving it. I didn't even care that I don't have air conditioning because it was nice waking up with the fresh air (despite the mosquitos). This morning, I woke up and it was 7°C/44°F outside and I was in my shorts and tank top shivering underneath a little sheet. And that's when I realized... Oh no... I wasn't expecting the sunshine to go away! Now every time I go into my closet, I can tell my coats are beginning to eyeball me, as if to say "...it's coming..."

Noooo, please! I can't take another season without sunglasses! What am I supposed to do with the sandals I just bought! The swimsuit! The cute tank tops!

With the weird weather and things suddenly becoming colder and the whole yearning that comes with the changing seasons, I've honestly just felt like sitting around in my snuggie (yeah, whatofit?!) watching movies like Garden State and listening to Ray Lamontagne and desperately trying to figure out how I can get my hands on something resembling a pumpkin spice latte, not to mention thinking about that plane ticket that's waiting for me on December 17th... But of course, life doesn't really work that way. And December is kind of a long ways away. Blurg. 

bises.