rien faire rien faire rien faire!

the fact that, today, i would have rather figured out and paid my taxes than write a single word on my assignment speaks wonders about how little i care about the topic of this essay. which i chose. humph.

i just wanna loaf.

je vais bientot terminer?

This is what several weeks of trying to write a 6,000 word (and 3,000 word) essay look like.

nap attacks

two steps forward, one step back.

proofreading and feeling like an idiot when none of it makes sense.

followed by momentary bursts of confidence.

and then more proofreading.

les frogs et les rosbifs.

Lucky me, now I have another country to judge and make vast overgeneralizations about! Here are some fun things that have changed for me.

1. My ability to calculate distance. I suppose this is a matter of perspective, but England is a small country. Before moving here, I was thinking I might even manage a trip or two to London during my masters (a prospect I can enjoy a hearty laugh at for many reasons now). Realistically, it's only about a two hour train ride. But my cousin recently sent me a message asking me to come visit her for the weekend sometime and after looking at the map, my first reaction was, "OMFG WHY ARE YOU SO FAR AWAY!" I calculated the distance, and it's LESS than the difference from Phoenix to Tucson. Not even 100 miles. WHY!!!!!!!
2. The default weather setting, 100% of the time should be this: bring your umbrella, dummy.
3. I paid 2£ for this. 2£ !!!!!!!!!
   
4. Being called "loov" and "swee-taht" multiple times at the supermarket is strangely reassuring and not weird or intrusive.
5. All old British men remind me of grandpas. ALL OF THEM.
6. I now have to integrate the variant spelling of words like "centre" and "realisation" into my writing. It feels so icky.
7. English girls are way more fun than French girls, in that they're chatty and outgoing and not at all threatened by the equally matched presence of estrogen. But there's a strange eyebrow trend I've never seen before. I don't really get it.
8. The idea of celebrating American traditions is charming and they embrace it (see photo below of Thanksgiving plus they're planning to adopt the American black Friday, the thought of which hurts my soul).
   
9. There's a TV show called "Desperate Scousewives" and after I heard that I lolled to myself alone in the empty house for a good few minutes. 
10. Whoever said that there are no good sunsets in the north of England was sadly mistaken!
    

je suis juste en train de rater ma vie.

Thoughts while writing essays.

4 weeks till deadline: So, I have four weeks to write 3,000 words. Four weeks! Remember that time I wrote 30 pages on John Donne on a Sunday? I got a 95 on that. I'll be totally fine. Just gotta email the professor with some ideas and I'll go from there.

3.5 weeks till deadline: Damn, my ideas are too broad. Ok I guess I'll just go with his suggestion or whatever. The origins of religious language... Sure. I can do that.

3 weeks: 3 weeks to write 3,000 words? Cake!

2 weeks: Ok, well I guess I should do some research. The Book of Job, what was that about again? It's funny how it's the same pronunciation as Gob in Arrested Development. That one episode where he--oh yeah, my time would be better spent rewatching it.

1.5 weeks: Oh shit, oh shit I don't know what I'm doing. What does any of this mean? I don't understand the words I'm writing!

1 week: Do I have time to change topics completely? I hate this. I hate ALL of this.

5 days: Is this graduate level writing? I feel like it could have been written with Crayons.

2 days: Don't panic. They couldn't really fail you, right? I mean nobody fails an essay... Fuuuu....

Deadline: Let's forget I ever turned anything in and don't ever bring up this topic to me again.