For this entry, I decided to compile a list of things that I have observed while being here over the past few weeks, most of it was written when I was still without internet. Enjoy.
1. French people and their goddamn need to always be affectionate with their S.O. – Great, I’m so happy that you managed to find someone that you really love, but really? Must you share it with the entire world in the middle of the metro? That floor to ceiling support-pole that you two are hugging between you, the one meant for communal use by everyone on the train, is not only a selfish use of said pole, but your use of it also causes me to uncomfortably knock into the other couple sucking face behind me. Actually, I take it back – I’m no longer happy that you found the love of your life, assholes.
2. That look in their eyes when French people slowly lose patience with you – How many times now have I had to speak to a French person, asking them for help when their eyes start to glaze over, their chin begins to fall and their mouth droops a little bit, as if to say, “am I gonna be stuck listening to you allllll daaaaay?” More than once, this has ended with the person I was trying to communicate with giving up on my behalf and grabbing an English speaking co-worker, to which I’ll generally respond to their questions posed in English back in French. Once, even, the woman I had been talking to originally even had the nerve to tell her colleague right in front of me, in French, “I don’t understand a word she says.” Guess what? I understand you, salope.
3. I just think that this is funny – In my classes last week, I decided to use the same theme in each in order to make it easier, which I decided would be education. In every single class, every single student pronounced the word “study” as “stew-die.” Hilarious.
4. People who pass out flyers /want you to sign their petition: When I first got here, I timidly walked around the streets, trying to figure out my way around, and I noticed that although I was walking amongst a fairly large group, I was always singled out by these people who essentially just want your money. They would come up to me, saying “Madamoiselle, xpenudsa ssrg djspdf siuwpoiu?” and I would stupidly ask, “um, pardon?” And then get myself suckered into 10 minute lecture wherein I would barely understand a word the person has said. And then, the best part is at the end when they realize that I haven’t understood them in the slightest, the priceless look on their faces which often say, “…you’re friggin English, aren’t you?” To which I slink off, saying “desole, desole.” To combat these people, I have taken up the advice of Stephen Clarke, author of the Merde series—which is that if you walk around France acting like you don’t give a shit, people are less inclined to bother you. Seems to be working well for me so far.
5. Slimy greasy men – There are certain activities I don’t like doing by myself; like eating in restaurants or being in a café or going to a movie. (Drinking in a bar alone is up there too, but I haven’t the courage yet to do that despite there being a very interesting looking Irish pub downstairs called, you guessed it, “The Dubliners”.) The worst, by far, is eating alone. Having worked in restaurants for enough time, I see it as an open capitulation to the fact that the person has nobody to eat with. And that is depressing. Therefore, when I’m standing outside a restaurant, looking at the menu or looking at movie times, I don’t want some slimeball jerk asking me why I am by myself. “La plus belle! Qu’est-ce tu fais toute seule ! Prends un café avec moi?” Can’t a girl enjoy a solo movie in peace? Yeah, I’m not happy about being alone either but now I have to go somewhere else to avoid you. Jerk.
As another sidenote, all of this is just meant to be taken lightly; I love France, obviously. Why else would I be here? They sometimes have these little quirks that drive me up the wazoo and it's fun and easy to make mock them sometimes :)
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