mais ça, c'est vraiment trop bizarre.

I already discussed the French things that I'm cool with... What about the things I'm not sure I'll ever get used to? Well, ask and you shall receive.

1. Showers. Anyone who has been to Europe has inevitably encountered some weird stuff in bathrooms -- one of them being how they separate the toilet and the shower. That's nice, I guess, if you have to go when someone is taking a shower. But one of the bizarre things is this whole tub/shower, but lack of shower head attachment. Basically, you're supposed to hold the shower head and wash yourself at the same time. But, am I supposed to sit down? Stand up? Squat? Maybe this set up saves more water (maaaaybe) but it's such an uncomfortable experience. This is why in my bathroom, I've shimmied a make-shift shower head installation using two suction cup hooks to solve this problem.

i'm just so handy.

2. Dog shit in the street. As the eloquent Demetri Martin said:

Owning a dog in the city is like saying, 'my need for companionship outweighs my distaste for picking up shit. I don't like shit but I am lonely. I'm gonna get a German Shepard and a shovel.'

Why, god, WHY don't the French understand this?

3. My personal bubble. Being that everything is bigger in the US, I have a personal space bubble that I consider to be much larger than most Europeans. I just don't like strangers all up in my biz. As a result, when someone in the métro stands next to me when there is clearly a huge amount of space to be had elsewhere, I become insufferably uncomfortable. Rather than moving away from my little corner (which would naturally be letting the other person win), I send mental vibrations to the person, saying something along the lines of "BWAAA, MY BLOOD PRESSURE, MOOOOVE" which inevitably leads to maximum force bitchface and then I just come off looking mentally incapable. But really, if you just stood two feet to the left, we wouldn't have this problem.

4. Air Conditioning. I know I'm being a total turd about this, but having grown up in Arizona, I rely heavily on the comforts of air conditioning. They should get on this -- especially in the public transport. The Toulousain métro in August leaves something... to be desired.

5. The Charm. Let's forget about the fact that I've been here more than a year and a half now. One of the things I thought I would be immune to at this point is the accent -- youuuuu know, when a foreign person opens their mouth and speaks in English, you can't help but think "oooo..." I'm still such a sucker for the accent -- but I'm not talking about my students, no no no. I mean, when I hear the right things said from the right person, I turn into a big pile of goo. I actually have to stop the person, and say "No, stop, that's it. You're no longer allowed to speak English." But it's not even that much better in French -- c'mon, being told t'es trop belle, ah-mehr-ee-can gehrl would make you melt like butter too.

6. Government offices. In the good ole USA, we have lots of offices we have to go to in order to take care of administrative stuff -- mostly though, we tend to avoid them like the plague. Applying for a new social security card? Noooo, thank you. Sitting for three hours in the DMV? Haha, fuck that shit! I'd rather watch my hair get pulled out strand by strand than voluntarily deal with unhappy government workers during my free time. And that's exactly the way I feel about doing such things in France, maximized by ten. I have the impression that anytime anyone has a question about anything government related, they go to the Mairie (town hall) or the Prefecture, so maybe they're just more used to waiting... But you would have no idea, based on the number of times old ladies try to jump me in the supermarket check-out -- I know you're old, but I was here first, goddammit! Fine, go ahead. ::bitch face::

Hôtel des Impôts, tu me fait chier.

Even just sitting here, I'm thinking of more and more things to add to the list... But I do love France. And I love the US. But unfortunately, there's no utopia.

Et ouais, c'est tout.

gros bisous, friends.