Tuesday, September 24, 2013

étrangère à nouveau

So here we are. At long last, I'm sitting in my new (but actually quite old) house writing a blog from the UK. I wish I could say I was filled with excitement and optimism about this new adventure but it's hard to shake the feeling that.... Oh yes, I've made another huge mistake.

In truth, I've been waiting to do this big relocation for ages, having decided on doing it within my first six months in France. I've been preparing myself mentally since May of 2012, until I was told later in the summer that it wasn't possible and I had no choice but to defer my acceptance. Though devastated at first, I came around to the idea that delaying one year had it's benefits (spending more time with Jon, duh)

This summer though seemed to drag on and on as work was very slow and I always knew at the back of my mind that come September, things would be a-changing. I tried hanging on to every fun moment, the sunny Toulousain days that I knew I'd miss terribly, savoring the pastries and cheeses, sleepy Sundays at home. Excited as I was about changing things in my life, I anticipated the inevitable settling in period and then slowly and very surely, a pit in the seat of my stomach started growing, getting the better of me over time.

After spending two weeks with my mom--one in Toulouse and one here in the UK getting set up--I'm now finally HERE! And alone! And as amazing and life-changing and totally worth I'm sure it will be... Right now.... It's depressing. It smells weird. There was a spider in my bed, which is not, in fact, my bed but I have to sleep in it nonetheless.

Tomorrow I have an induction meeting where I'll meet people and get my bearings and I hope that, little by little, I'll be able to chip away at this heavy pit until I feel a little more normal. Little by little.

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